eMpTy scrapbook

My full time job, you would guess that it's STUDENT.

That first step you take is the longest stride

But my problem is, I don't take the next step.


I've seen people hurting by thinking too much.
I hurt myself by doing nothing.

Family = People who see the bad/worse side of me

Friends = People who see the better side of me

Others = People who see whatever they want to see in me

I was struck by a sudden realization, while rereading the Twilight saga, that my time as a teenager is coming to an end.

Bella wanted to be frozen in her teens, before she turned 20, because Edward is forever 17. Haha.

Friends! We are turning into our 20s!

How about that, huh?

Haha. It actually doesn't bother me much.

Rather, it gives me one less reason to remain a kid.

Okay, maybe that does bother me a little. o.0

I was wondering about what is left of my days as a teen, when I backtracked and relived the year.

It sure was eventful, but lonely as well.

Foundation to Degree.

Psychology to Economics.

Local to Abroad.

I don't like change. Especially transformations that were not initiated by me.

It really is a blessing and a curse, to have an elder in the family who would stir up my life, in the name of fatherly love.

Manipulative, that's the word. And it irritates the hell out of me.

Still, a blessing and a curse.

On another note, I realized that the world was getting lonelier.

My parents don't see past my obvious flaws.

My friends are growing distant physically and intellectually. Sunway, Singapore, UK; Arts, Science, Social Science.

My relationship with sister was regressing towards roommates, as we were submerged in our own personal problems, and rarely shared them. [Note the past tense]

And my broken mirror nicked me time and time again with his self-centredness and lack of faith, reminding me of his pain, hoping I could fix him up.

In any case, nobody felt the need to share their inner thoughts with me, so I felt the same.

Not even bothering to BLOG about anything at all. It was lonely. =.=

One other thing that I would regret is I idled away a lot of my time. A LOT.

I'm ashamed to talk about how I wasted my time, so let's just leave it at that.

Urgh...my guilt is eating me up.

Regardless, I still learnt. Stumbling all the way towards adulthood.

I know of a person, who very much wants to study in UK.
But, her parents are against the idea. They cannot support her financially.
Besides, she has 3 younger siblings who are still in school.
Regardless, she still wants to go.

I find it ironic, because I was the complete opposite.
My family were the ones who told me to go ahead; while I was the one worried about spending their money.
And I struggled for so long, to find the right reasons for me to want to go.

If I were her, I wouldn't even think about it.
That's why it's so ironic.
But I am in no position to discourage her.

This is one of those times when I should be grateful of what I have.
And it reminds me of a phrase my former lecturer once said, "Thank God life is not fair".